desperateicon (desperateicon) wrote,

so, i just witnessed my dad do something i've not seen from him since i was about 11.
he was drinking all night, being friendly, then in a split second became verbally abusive toward everyone in the house. what was a nice family night has resulted in my mum crying, my brother locking himself in his room, me sat here alone in the lounge, & my dad slurring how everyone hates him & he's now walked out. it's almost 2am, & he's gone for a stroll.

i remember when he used to do this when i was young. it used to terrify me. i used to cry. now at this age, i'm just angered & confused. how can people just suddenly be so nasty. alcohol is not nice.

i often step back & re-evaluate my life.
lately i don't like what i see.
jealous, lazy, unreliable, loud, confused, ignorant, self abusive.
i've not become well over the last year. it's gone so fast, & i've spent the whole year trying to understand what i want & who i am. i just want to forget everything from the last year.
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